When, just for a moment, I could hear my dad’s voice on the other end of the phone I felt like smiling and locking myself in a room and crying all at the same time. I’m glad a got to have a small glimpse of him, even though it made it hard, because I haven’t seen the real him again since that day, and I never know when one of those short gimpses might be the last time I truly see him.

Thank you for taking the time to share about your momer in-law. I’m sure it most be so hard anyway, and then the holidays seem to remind us of what we’re lost even more than normal, which only adds to it.

-Kelsey

Thank you for sharing your “Dad moment”. It relates to something I’ve been thinking about this week. This week would’ve marked my mother in-law’s 57th birthday. She died of ovarian cancer which is quite a bit different than what your Dad has but is similar in the one respect that she did not have control of her mind toward the end. I’m not sure if it was the drugs or the cancer. Maybe both. I remember getting ready to go home from her house sometime during her last few days of life and going into her room to tell her I’d see her later. She seemed trapped inside her body so when I talked to her, it was under the assumption that she could understand, she just couldn’t make her thoughts correspond to speaking. It was rare during that last couple of weeks to be able to hear anything that resembled herself, but that day we thought she would not make it through the night but I had to go home and take care of my kids so I said, “I’ll see you later,” knowing that one way or the other, I would see her later. When I said that, she responded but I couldn’t understand what she said. I leaned down and said as much and then she said something that was so obviously “her” that I just about lost it. Just looking into those almost black eyes, I could see that it was her looking at me and not some drug affected sick person. I just looked at her for a few seconds. *sigh*

Gosh I miss her. Thanks for reminding me of that.

(((((Kelsey)))))

Clicking on my name takes you to my blog about birth–I do have one called grieving with guinever which is listed in my blogroll on my sidebar in case you didn’t notice while you visited. I found your blog through the grief tag/category.

Guinever

I’ve been reading a little bit on your blog tonight and I’m struck by your maturity in someone so young. I’m sorry that you’re watching your dad slip away. Whenever I am overwhelmed, I turn to the Psalms, especially Psalm 42. I often hide in the shadows. . .in the shadow of His wings. You know what I’m talking about (based on the title of your blog)

Not related to this particular post, I have to say that “Til we Have Faces” and “Hinds Feet on High Places” are two of my favorite books! And I just read ” A Grief Observed” again today, planning on posting a review soon on my blog.

Take care and I pray that you’ll find comfort and joy this holiday amidst all the grief.

Guinever

~m